Old People Jokes … to help us laugh along with – not at – our old age! 
I Laugh at Old People Jokes - and Myself!
Old People Jokes
Rose!?!
This older couple was having their dear old friends, Tom and Mary who used to live in the neighborhood, over for dinner one night while they were visiting the area. With the ladies were in the kitchen, the men were sitting out in the den talking. Tom asks his old friend, “So what’s new in the old neighborhood?”.
“Well”, he says, “there’s a great new restaurant right up the street. Great Italian food, good selection of wines, and reasonable prices.”
“Wow!”, his friend says, “What’s the name?” “Ahh! I forget”, he says. “Wait – I know: what’s the name of that red flower, the kinda sweet smelling? one?”. “Rose?”, his fiend asks.
“Oh, yeah, that’s it!” Turning to the kitchen, he yells out, “Hey Rose, what’s the name of that new Italian restaurant?!”
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Old People Jokes
Is There an Afterlife?
Gordon and Jack are old business partners. They agree that whoever passes away first will get in touch with the other guy from the afterlife. Jack dies first. Gordon hears nothing from him for a long time and figures there must be no afterlife.
One day, Gordon gets a call out of the blue from Jack. “So I guess there *is* an afterlife, huh?! What’s it like?” he asks.
“Well, I sleep late eery day, eat a big old breakfast, and then have a bunch of sex. Then I sleep some more. When I wake up again, I eat some lunch – whatever I feel like. Then more sex, if I feel like it. Another nap. A great big dinner. And maybe even some more sex. Then I turn in for the night and sleep soundly, and get up and do it all over again the next day.”
“Holy cow!,” says Gordon, “I had no idea that’s what heaven was like!”
“No, man” says Jack. “I’m not up in heaven. I’m a grizzly bear, out in Yosemite Park!”
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Old People Jokes
Do They Play Tennis in Heaven?
I heard this joke from the son in his eulogy of his Dad, a dear old friend of the family.
Bert & Harry were old tennis-playing friends going back to their school days together. Over the years, they managed to play fairly frequently, until their age began to slow them down. One day, after a tennis match, they sat talking over a cold drink. Harold said, “I wonder how many more matches will be able to play before one – or both of us – kicks the bucket?”. Bert replied, “Well, I don’t kno – but I wonder if they play tennis in Heaven”. To which Harold replied, “Who knows?! But let’s make a pack: whoever dies first has to find a way of letting the other one know, OK?!) and Bert agreed.
Well a few years passed, they played tennis less and less frequently, and then Bert’s old tennis friend passed away in his sleep.
Some month’s after Harold’s funeral, Bert was lying in bed, tossing & turning, unable to sleep. Suddenly, he heard someone talking in a strange, muffled sort of way. He sat up in bed and said aloud, “Who is that?.
Bert almost fell out of bed when he heard the distant-sounding voice say, “Bert, it’s your old tennis buddy, Harold!”. “Oh my gosh, Harold, is that really you?, asked Bert. “Well of course it is!” Harold said, “Don’t you remember our promise – about telling the other one about whether there’s tennis in Heaven?!”.
“Om my gosh – of course!”, said Bert . “Well is there?”, to which Harold replied, “Well, let me put it this way: you and I are scheduled to play doubles tomorrow at 1 o’clock!”
(True story: our dear old friend, who was an avid tennis player and who played for many years with a good friend, died on the same day as his good, tennis-playing friend. So the moral of the story – of this “old age joke” – is: Do what you love – it might be the very last thing you do on earth.)
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Old People Jokes
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